I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
