I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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