god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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