I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
