I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
