I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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