Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
