I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
