***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize