Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I want is dick and wine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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