sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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