My brain says no but my pants say off.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You pole danced in your parka.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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