the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
