fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
