His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
