I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize