I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
