this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
