Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
