Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
