I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
