Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
