Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
