You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
