i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize