So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize