Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
