Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
