She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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