I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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