This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Randomize
