We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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