the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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