Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
