I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
