I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's blow job season.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
