Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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