I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
