thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
