nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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