I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The ass gains better be worth it
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