i already hear my dad disowning me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
