I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize