That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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