he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
