He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
