apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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