I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
