So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize