Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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