Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
a search helicopter?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
