you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize