I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
