In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize