It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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