do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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