We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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