Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
In America we eat man semen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize