Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize