dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
