i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
