Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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