the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
