So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
