Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize