I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
