trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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