Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
