If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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