i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
