I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
