she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
