he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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