As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My vagina is officially offended.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
