A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
