You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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