apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
