Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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