o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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