please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
