im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Mom said you looked used
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
