i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
