She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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