matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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