well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
