so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
