Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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