Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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