Yo dont text me then not text me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
