There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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