come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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