Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
