He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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