Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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