The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
