discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
