I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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