Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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