break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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